Chuck-ese

27-December-2007

Panzers, Panzers, Panzers!

Filed under: Games — admin0 @ 1:06 pm

[It’s Thursday, backdate this to one of those days before Christmas, like the weekend.]

Take your mind back to that weekend I was at the LAN party instead of updating this. Earlier that weekend, I had wasted my time playing the same five levels of the same video game over, and over, and over again. That game? Panzer General II. Specifically, the “Blitzkrieg” Campaign. Here I will present my thoughts on each of these five levels.

Madrid: Unless you are relatively new to this game, you should not get anything less than a brilliant victory in this scenario. Buy a dive bomber right off the bat, and use that armored car they give you to snatch up any minor objectives that are out of the way. Artillary and armor are your friends.

Poland: This is a mildly difficult map, but I was able to get a Brilliant Victory on it every single time. Make sure as much artillary and armor as possible starts on the right side of the river, so you don’t get jammed up. Before the scenario, buy some fighters for air support. But make sure you buy the Bf-109s. They are identical to the Me-109s, but cost less. Also stock up on PzIV tanks (2 or 3). I was given a StugIII for the BV in the last mission, keep it. For infantry, I like SS.

Suosalmi: This is, by far, more difficult than the preceeding two scenarios. The Finnish auxilaries you get aren’t worth a damn, most especially the airplane. Two tanks and two green infantry should be enough to take the north objective. In the south, you have a Finn anti-tank gun where you should be putting artillary, so move it to the back. Watch out, because the Russians have a habbit of sneaking some armor around your southern flank and making a drive for your Major Objective (the Airfield). Keep your planes the hell away from the last objective, there’s an AA gun. Also, keep an eye on the weather; snow can really screw up your air-related plans. I may have only done better than Victory on this scenario once, and I’ve lost on occasion.
Norway: This is actually quite easy, the only difficulties being the lack of auxillary troops and the tempramental weather. Two tanks, an artillary (which you’ll have to requesition), that damned armored car (if you didn’t kill it off at Suosalmi), and a couple infantry for the east half of the map should serve you well, provided you back them up with at least one of your 109s. When you capture your first objective, leave a semi-strong infantry unit there to guard it, as the British player will attack it with an infantry in the latter phases of the scenario. Poor unit placement and not thinking ahead usualy screws me out of the Brilliant Victory every time, but only by a turn or so.

Sedan: The invasion of France! Contrary to what all the Francophobes will tell you, victory is anything but certain here. If only they would just “drop their rifles” and surrender. Instead, they put up an increadilby tenacious defense, and it is a testament to the German Blitzkreig operational doctrine that it was able to prevail. I am unable to beat this scenario. Anyway, after maxing out my Prestige to load up on tanks and troops, I deploy them thus: The northern deployment zone is where all of the armor goes, as well as any infantry that won’t fit into the southern zone. The southern zone should have your most experienced and decorated infantry right up against the river, with all of your artillary and aircraft in support. Blast the pillboxes with artillary, and cross the river. Your armor will take care of the pillboxes in their zone, hook around, and split up. Half will go west with that infantry and take the two objectives there. The rest will proceed south, where they will encounter some stiff resistance and near-constant artillary bombardment. After capturing Sedan proper in the opening stages of the scenario, buy some more tanks. Also, keep one or two infantry in and around Sedan, because the French will sneak some men in to take it if you aren’t careful. They do this alot, so blow your prestige as soon as you get it.

Do NOT make these mistakes that I always do, and you should be fine: engaging French armor 1 on 1, letting your dive-bomber get caught in the open by French fighters, letting your fighters get caught in the open by French fighters, completely forgetting about the southern objective and the force you sent to capture it, leaving Sedan undefended, leaving Sedan over-defended, that sort of stuff.

In conclusion, bravo SSI for making such a fun-yet-challenging game.

23-December-2007

Diamonds are Stupid

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin0 @ 10:32 am

SDMB Link

So, apparently, synthetic diamonds are flawless compared to natural diamonds. Yet, they’re less desireable. People would rather pay through the nose to the Boer Capitalist Slavedrivers* for a less perfect stone because it’s “authentic.” This is ideotic. This is a vicious cycle: people think diamonds are valuable because they’re expensive, and they’re expensive because the value people place on them crates a high demand. So, in essence, they have a high demand because they have a high demand. There’s a word for this: not artificial demand, but some eponym, ___ Goods or something like that.

In short, Diamonds Are Forever Stupid.

*And, by reading the wiki article on DeBeers, it appears to have been founded by an Englishman, Cecil Rhodes. But I like the above phrase, and it’s staying in.

18-December-2007

A sonnet

Filed under: Writing — admin0 @ 9:12 pm

I wrote an English (Shakespearian) sonnet for AP English today.

“Poetry is the worst thing in the world,
worse than war and death and pestilance stuff,
and plague, you can’t forget plague. When my curled
fingers move this pen, one word is enough,
I die a bit inside. You don’t know that, 5
I bet, but you do now, know that I like
writing poetry less than wearing a hat.
The preceeding sentence made no sense, like
things David occasionally says. One
day I won’t have to write poetry any- 10
more, but that day is not soon. Mister Donnne,
the poet, must have had problems many.
I am done with this poem, hooray! hooray!
I feel as happy as Robert Goulet!”

William Shakespeare can lick my ball sack. Speaking of him, I lost my Shakespeare virginity the other day in that class. Before that day, I had managed to go my entire life without reading one word of his work (except, of course, for some work on my senior project, but that doesn’t count.) The offending poem was Sonnet #?, which he blatently pagiarized from Elivs Costello.

Mea Culpa

Filed under: Games — admin0 @ 5:23 pm

So, sure, it’s Tuesday, and I never wrote the weekend-ly ‘Games’ article, but I have an excuse. I was at a LAN party on Sunday/Monday. (Snow Day).
At said LAN party, I was destroyed at Stonghold: Crusader. Good news, though. I was crushed using the very same tactics that I wrote of in my article.

I also spent a good part of the weekend playing the same five levels of the Panzer General II “Blitzkreig” campaign over and over again. Damn you Sedan! Damn you!

[Yes, I wrote the below article while at that party.]

17-December-2007

So, this is the way it’s going to be.

Filed under: Reading — admin0 @ 10:43 am

Robert Jordan’s unifinished pinacle of his Wheel of Time series will, in fact, be finished by one Brandon Sanderson. I know nothing about the man, but I like the progress bar on his website. I need to get myself one of those, because MyProgress isn’t what I thought it was.

16-December-2007

Issues

Filed under: The Chucksphere — admin0 @ 2:36 pm

As you can see, this blog is having some formatting issues (Why is everything centered? Why is the below article all bold?). Minor bug and my lack of commitment mean I will probably be jumping ship for something else soon.

12-December-2007

Grab-Bag

Filed under: Reading — admin0 @ 4:17 pm

Why?

First Robert Jordan goes and dies, and now the Mighty Terry Pratchet has Alzheimer’s. Am I witnessing the Apololypse of Good Reading?

Just Two Things About This Article

First, as regards Hi Def televisions: If you had bought an LG flatscreen, you could just hit “Ratio” on the remote controll until you like what you see.

Second: The following quote is extremely ironic, considering the source:”People read on computers because they have to, not because they want to.”

This Picture is Cool

[Link]

Holy Shit!The government broke the law! Who’d have thought?

We May Not Be As Dead As Al Gore Says We Are

I want to call bullshit on this article, but I’m not so sure…

[Oh, I just did another Reading on the Internet type article, which I promised never to do again. Oh well.]

[Edit: Oh, I also can’t do anything about all the bolding at the bottom. Some kind of bug. Sorry for the inconvenience.]

9-December-2007

Blood Wake, WTF?

Filed under: Games — admin0 @ 5:26 pm

Yesterday, I had the honor and privilege of playing the best aweful game I’ve ever played: “Blood Wake” for the XBox.

To begin with, we were unable to play with the full complement of ships, as Eric has gotten no further in the campaign than the first mission. Thus, our choices were limited to the Sampan (oh Jesus, not the Sampan!), the Large Sampan (or something very much like it), the PT Boat, the Devil Boat, and some other kind of fast boat. The major flaw I saw with the ship-selection system is that one class of boat is clearly superior to another. There is little/no balance; a Sampan cannot defeat a Devil Boat.

The terrain is…well, water. But for some reason our arena was a lake completely surrounded by giant cliffs, obviating the need for the artists to render anything resembling the world. The lake had no inlet or outlet! Are we to believe that it is fed entirely by rainwater? [Caveat: I only saw one map, the same map, both days I played. There may be some good ones.]

Physics were good but not great. The Mighty Devil Boat ^(TM) bounced off the waves like it was a jetski, and  at one point became lodged, vertically, on the cliffs. This mightly beat also bounced on top of the smaller boats, and while it realistically damaged it, it didn’t realisticaly snap the damn thing in two.

Speaking of damaging ships, the combat was rather…boring. Left Trigger was some sort of machine gun that I can only suppose is effective either a) in the campaign or b) against the Sampan. The whole thing degenerated into a melee, with the two ships chasing each other in as tight a circle as possible, rendering most of the map superfluous.

I’m done typing now. Don’t play “Blood Wake.”

1-December-2007

Stronghold: Crusader, Game of Games

Filed under: Games — admin0 @ 5:00 pm

Stronghold: Crusader is a mighty old game, having been released in 2002. Age, though, has not diminished the greatness of this game, for it taps into two seperate but equally playable genres, the Real Time Strategy Game, and the City Builder. The RTS elements consist of cranking out troops and flinging them at your adversary. The city building aspect derives from managing the mood, diet, and size of the population so that you can support your armies. However, while these aspects are well-developed enough to give the game a more realistic feel, it is not explored thouroughly enough to make the “Castle Builder” mode fun in any way, shape, or form; far be it from this game to rival the Caesar games in that department.

One thing that must absolutely be mentioned in any guide to this game is its playability. By “playability,” I don’t mean aspects of gameplay which make it easy. I am reather calling to mind the fact that once the game is installed on the computer, the CD is no longer required at all for any purpose. This leads to situations like mine, where everybody I know who has this game installed it from the same disk. Of course, the game is playable in the other sense of the word, too. The interface is generally like that of other RTS games, and learning the basics of the game can be accomplished in one game against a couple of Rats.

Speaking of the The Rat, the different forms of AI the computer lets you choose from are a unique feature. You can play against any combinations of builders and fighters, at any difficulty, although the Sultan, the Rat, and the Snake are so pathetic you can’t tell which role they are supposed to fulfill (although the Sultan must be given props for making an aesthetically pleasing castle). Any of those three AI types can be dealt with in the same way: use Arab horse archers to clear off the walls, then assassins to finish them off. Easy as cake.

Any discussion of more advanced strategy in the game really revolves around one point: archers. Anybody with a bow in their hand is one of the most powerful men in the Holy Land. A volly of arrows will seriously put the hurt on anyone foolish enough to approach your domain, and an archer is one of the cheapest units you can produce in the game. Horse archers are fairly faithful to the Turks and Arabs fought, and 25-30 of them make an impenetrable perimiter guard. After you’ve bult your walls and staffed them with a buttload of archers, a force of 50 horse archers makes a pretty good strike force, especially against the lower level AIs. Speaking of the wall garisson, braziers are your friends; put them on every tower and every gatehouse. To re-iterate: archers, archers, archers!

When on the other side of the walls, things become more complicated. If the walls have been cleared and the defenders reduced by your horse archers, a force of 50 swordsmen should be able to finish off the opposing lord. If the walls havne’t been cleared, a force of 50 swordsmen should still be able to penetrate the gatehouse and do away with the opposing lord. Never use assassins on a fully protected lord, and never use fewer than six. As far as seige artillary goes, the best course of action is to be able to hit the enemy castle with seige engines on towers in your own castle. This opportunity happens frequently on small maps.

Pitched battles don’t occur that often in the game, as opposed to seiges and couter-seiges. They most often occur if your resource denial troops (horse archers and slaves) are caught by an enemy force, or if they sally forth to attack your seige-works. In the former case, let the slaves go, and use your horse archers Mongol-style. If the latter, you already have your crack force of swordsmen. If you’ve been using resource denial effectively, they shouldn’t be able to challenge you. If you haven’t, or are playing somebody who’s very good, use pikemen/spearmen and archers/crossbowmen to guard the seige machinery, and knights and horse archers to engage the enemy units.

Economics are simple. If you build your fams within your walls (where possible), you have a safe food supply, and can afford to sell it off to buy things. Ditto for hops and ale. You’ll need lots of wood, and when you don’t it’s sellable.

Things not to build: When playing as the crusaders, the mercenary camps are only good for horse archers and slaves. Any other units should only be purchased in emergencies. Seige ladders are useless. Monks are extremely weak, don’t waste the money. Water pots and wells are wastes, just let it all burn and rebuild (not that anything should be burning in the first place). Apple and dairy fams are superior to wheat farms because they food doesn’t need to be processed to eat, and requires fewer laborers that can better be used as a recruiting pool in the early game; when you gain the means to process labor-intensive crops, go for barley first.
Thus ends my review/guide/thing of Stronghold: Crusader.
Note: I have no experience playing this against human players. I also only rediscovered this game since I stopped playing about this time in 2005, so I only have limited current experience agains the AI.

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