“Freedom is like currency; if not used, it exists only to be taken away.”

“Tell me, does [name removed out of decency] burn for the touch of a man?”

“It only offends you if you let it.”

“If I knew why I do what I do, I’d be a much happier person.”

“Want leads to pursuit; pursuit to failure; failure to misery; and misery to want.”

“The clam seeks not its prey, yet it is always satisfied. Emulate the clam.”

“The seed of doubt has been nurtured by the waters of evidence and the manure of proof, and has grown into the tree of sorrow.”

“I didn’t read Walden for a very good reason: it is a carcinogen.”

“Stupid! Stupid! Never turn down a free hug.”

“I crossed the crick to buy a creamy with extra melk with a cue-pon.”

(These are in no particular order. The first one was first uttered at math camp in the summer before 8th grade, and the second was said last Saturday.)